Triage... (a thought in progress)

"A process in which things are ranked in terms of importance or priority"

"A process for sorting injured people into groups based on their need for or likely benefit from immediate medical treatment. Triage is used in hospital emergency rooms, on battlefields, and at disaster sites when limited medical resources must be allocated."

I feel (FEEL being the optimal word), that in my life, up till now, I have been the Triagee and NOT the Triager...

I am always in some line of people, being ranked by priority and importance.

AND not being
1) INJURED enough to really require

or
2) IMPORTANT(Bright & Shinny) enough to have people trip over themselves to offer
the attention and resources that people have to ration out...

I find myself just injured enough and cool enough to be ranked somewhere way down the pecking order... Which can really, after being in this line a long time, be really painful.

AND

There is also the realization that coming off TOO injured/needy, you are taken out of line all together. The concern that giving you resources would -either- never be enough for you and would ultimately do you more harm then good -or- make you dependent on those scarce resources and you'd drain all of them. So rather than giving you any comfort (like a cold compress or morphine) you are just left a mangled mess, which is deeply, painfully, pitied but ultimately just ignored.

It is all justifiable to the person doing the ranking but it all comes down to personal self-motivated choices. No matter what they think, it is really about what they THINK they will get out of it ( or what burden of guilt they do NOT want to carry by not doing it).

But I'm now rambling off tract... (WHO ME?)

What I really wanted to say was, I need to EMBRACE that this is how it's going to be AND the trick is, for ME to NOTIFY EVERYONE, I AM THE ONE CHOOSING!!! I get to RANK the people in MY line. I need to remove the overly needy people that will drain me and NOT allow me to use as much of MY resources to get the best results for my life and the people I share it with.

I really LOVE the people in my life BUT I let them RANK ME... and that does not work... for THEM or ME... I am actually HIGHLY considerate of my choices and how they effect the people in my life. I try to HELP them in a way that benefits EVERYONE ... and this has come from a LOT of personal work and a deep understanding of the inner working of people... and I make mistakes and I am open to learning from them and listening to how I can better take care of them while taking care of myself.

But... I get caught up in other peoples lines and I wait like an idiot to move to the front and get my ration... and by that point what they have left for me is really pretty meager, AS they make plans to replenish their resources and give the new stock to the more deserving (according to their Triage criteria)... and I don't dare say anything... cause when I have... They threaten to cut off the ration they have been giving... "please sir, I wan suh moah!" (See Picture Above)

I keep forgetting I'M THE ONE OFFERING... I'm using up so much of my resources WAITING on line that a lot of my resources are NOT going to the people I RANK as high on my list.
I have to stop looking for lines to get into and start looking at who's in my line!!! And then rank them...

It's a dirty job BUT like it or not... Your either a Triager or Triagee... choose!

I'm just say'n...