Nothing much to report on today...
Just sit'n at work, having great relaxed anticipation for the weekend... BUT no Expectations...
Just wanna relax into a fun weekend...
Gonna hang with a good friend tonight, we may go out, we may just hang in... Very relaxed and casual... Which is settling... And I am looking forward to NOT having to do anything tonight.
I do a lot... and I think it's been having a toll on me (if you've read my last few blogs Comfortable , Wanted , Silent , ... they've been a tad ungrounded... )
I think the worst part is getting tired and NOT feeling like there is anymore in me (at this time) and I need to stop. All I need to do is recharge but I feel frustrated that I've gone and worn myself out and I don't see any fruits of my labor. Which can be very discouraging...
Now, I didn't say there are not seeds planted and growing, or even full grown plants, or even big honk'n fruits growing on the high branches... I'm say'n, I don't see it...
I know I'm NOT who I've been... and even more lately NOT the "me" from just a few months ago... I am transforming... and this, to me, is GREAT! AND there will be growing pains and hunger pangs... and the dredging of the pit of my past which will cause painful sediment to float to the surface. But without this disruptive scrapping of the soft tender underbelly, you can never skim the scum which floats to the top, off the surface and out of your pond.
So... I HOPE... these profoundly, soulful, searching, disruptive and pain-ful/filled spells are the dispelling of the caked on layers of my past... like the rings of a tree, as I remove them I become younger... creating a lighter, cleaner container to contain my chosen visions...
I hope...
I'm just say'n...
