OK... This had me weeping on and off all day Sunday...
When I was 10 weeks old,
my father died...
My Mother never remarried
So there was no real Dad in my life...
The lie is... I've been telling myself my ENTIRE life... that it's no big deal...
I never knew him so, how could I miss him...
I thought missing him would be like missing living in Maine (A state I had never lived in)...
I had nothing to remember to be upset about...
WHAT A LOAD OF RATIONALIZATION!!!
The truth is... I miss my Daddy...
I miss him,
I miss knowing him,
I miss sharing with him
Not like I never had it...
Really...
"I miss my Daddy..."
It's a huge deal...
I've spent my life pretending, lying, that I didn't care...
I assumed I loved him, and he was a good guy BUT
I never even asked about him,
Never found out what he was like,
What silly and smart things he taught my brother and sisters...
Never thanked him for my life...
And not just the Air in my lungs...
BUT the Life that I have now that I love...
What ever he did, he got me to be the type of person I am today
and I thank my Daddy for it...
He did a great job and I miss him...
So now... I can talk to him and tell him about my life...
And I get, he already knows and is proud of his Sammy...
I now have a Daddy to Love...
And when the crying stops... I feel sweetly at peace and ready to not be afraid...
I have met my Daddy...!!! :-)
Would you like to meet my Daddy?!
I LOVE HIM... !!! :-) AND I am him!!!
And I am proud!!!
When I was 10 weeks old,
my father died...
My Mother never remarried
So there was no real Dad in my life...
The lie is... I've been telling myself my ENTIRE life... that it's no big deal...
I never knew him so, how could I miss him...
I thought missing him would be like missing living in Maine (A state I had never lived in)...
I had nothing to remember to be upset about...
WHAT A LOAD OF RATIONALIZATION!!!
The truth is... I miss my Daddy...
I miss him,
I miss knowing him,
I miss sharing with him
Not like I never had it...
Really...
"I miss my Daddy..."
It's a huge deal...
I've spent my life pretending, lying, that I didn't care...
I assumed I loved him, and he was a good guy BUT
I never even asked about him,
Never found out what he was like,
What silly and smart things he taught my brother and sisters...
Never thanked him for my life...
And not just the Air in my lungs...
BUT the Life that I have now that I love...
What ever he did, he got me to be the type of person I am today
and I thank my Daddy for it...
He did a great job and I miss him...
So now... I can talk to him and tell him about my life...
And I get, he already knows and is proud of his Sammy...
I now have a Daddy to Love...
And when the crying stops... I feel sweetly at peace and ready to not be afraid...
I have met my Daddy...!!! :-)
Would you like to meet my Daddy?!
I LOVE HIM... !!! :-) AND I am him!!!
And I am proud!!!
Wed, February 1, 2006 - 1:10 AM
-------------- Comments ----------------
3 Comments | |
| Wed, February 1, 2006 - 8:17 AM what makes us us Samwise you ROCK! Your compassion and love is inspiring and beautiful. You are who you are. And you are amazing. Thank you to your father for staying on this earth long enough for us to have you. Bless you and thank you for your friendship. |
| Wed, February 1, 2006 - 9:31 AM RE: what makes us us There I go cry'n again...What would my dad say???!!! ;-) "Ya big baby... Be a man!!!" (and then he'd hug me) ahhhhhh ;-) |
| Sun, February 5, 2006 - 4:56 PM Sharing That is so raw, so pure and it is very brave to put this out there for all to see. I already feel like I know you better, and I love you more, though we just met.Thanks for sharing. -Devai |
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