The Heavy Heart... (Tribe.net) Fri, March 24, 2006 - 3:30 PM

I have NO idea what this is...
I have NO idea why it shows up...
BUT it's viscerally present...
And there's an ache to it...

Any distraction seems to remove it...
Until...
I'm back in my head...

A dull heavy Ache...
That all you want is for it to stop...

But maybe that's why it keeps knocking...
Maybe I need to answer it before it starts pounding...

This is a new feeling...
I've hurt before but NOT like this...
It's not WORSE...
It's just a NEW hurt...

And I hope it's a good hurt...
One that's leading me to a new place...
Like it's coming up...
So it can escape...
and leave me free...

Because if I try to suppress it...
It will always be there...
Buried under some pseudo-intellectual babble...
Used to talk myself out of DEALING with it...

Seeing it for what it is...
Whatever it is...
Can't be cleared...
until I really see it...
and experience it fully...

But there are those moments...
Where all you want is...
For it to NOT be there...
For it NOT to feel this way...
To not feel confused, frustrated and melancholy...
That it's there at all!

And you just want to know...
Really know...
That someone understands...
And cares...
(As pathetic as it sounds...)
Someone cares about the dark cloud over my heart...

Perhaps...
All it is...
Is to not feel alone...
When I am alone.

Fri, March 24, 2006 - 3:30 PM

----------------- Comments -------------------

6 Comments

mr e	Fri, March 24, 2006 - 4:42 PM You are not alone. I can relate. It sounds like you need another night of foolishness and frivolity in the Fuzzy Bus... Kevin? mr e

Jesse

Fri, March 24, 2006 - 6:15 PM congats on feeling!!!!! hey sammywise.....at last your feeling and be present with it, it probably attached some older, deeper shit that just need to be accepted and let go...and know you are loved ...no matter what the psycho goddess's reflect!!!!! trust me next week will be better!!!!!!

Ren	Fri, March 24, 2006 - 9:59 PM darkness precedes dawn. one step forward, two steps backward...3 steps forward , one step backward, slowly moving forward in life. i know the frustration. but be comforted that it will pass. and we are here for you.

Pira...

Fri, March 24, 2006 - 10:33 PM Dance will bring clarity Dance will bring understanding Dance will bring enlightenment Dance will bring release Dance will bring bliss Come Dance with me

Naughty Ballet Dancer...

Sat, March 25, 2006 - 11:28 PM i wish i could get to a place like that, where i can stare my pain down and get to know it... i keep running and running... your strength is admirable...

Star...

Mon, March 27, 2006 - 8:39 AM LOVE Ah - my dear mushy lovable friend. As you are placing and understanding the chemicals in your mind - you can place why that lack is there - but also know that NEVER are you alone. No man is an island true - but no man who is loved, admired and adored as you are can ever be alone. In this crazy thing we call life - all running in different ways being - doing - trying not to be or do - we travel together with those who get us and love us. You are loved and in that never doubt that you are always with an amazing person - Mr mushy sqwuishy lovable Samwise - We are all here with you too - place the negative - turn it into positive - and send it out into the world.