Deepak_Chopra:
Since the world is a reflection, the only way to transform the other is through one's own transformation.
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We Are ALL ONE.... however since most of us do not fully embody this Absolute.... we do well to cultivate Patience, Compassion and Simplicity.
absolutely!
I think this is exactly what I had to hear this morning! Thank you!
ACE
I am working on getting the extended family to accept this.
ACE: Get yourself to accept it first... ;)
This reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:
"We're all the same being and that's the problem - we can only move as fast as we all can move...You can hear this message only as purely as I am pure. That's the way it boils down. I can resonate with you in the highest place I am. So: I can do nothing for you but work on myself...You can do nothing for me but work on yourself!"
- Ram Dass, from "Be Here Now"
ACE
Sam, I have accepted it, but they hound away and I don't live thousands of miles away. so it is slightly more difficult, but doable
Just love them more... You have to heal the damage before new movement. Show them by example & love them as they are before they will consider a new way...
ACE
They must be willing to be healed and acknowledge that there is a need.
As long as you put the attention on them, they will sense that you are judging them and experiencing them as other than perfect. There is an automatic defense to this which puts up a wall of protection that does not allow anything new in. When you stop WANTING them to change and just love them completely for who they are, without any underlying NEED for them to be different from how they are, and do this ongoingly, without checking in to SEE if it's WORKING? There is nothing to work, if there is, and then you WANT them to change. Allow them to be and work on yourself. That is the only way. You are the only one you can work on anyway. AND a lot of the time, the more loving and more your life grows in a positive way, others, will feel the freedom and curiosity to dip their toe in your pool of bliss.
ACE
I embrace and practice most of what you say, but i find it quite interesting that the majority of people I know who have all these wonderful ideas on change, live VERY far from their family of origin which makes it easy to form a concept of reality that is in fact not real. When you are involved in CONSTANT and NECESSARY involvement your perception is very different than when you are at a distance.
Felicia, I believe the reason for this is that the family is the first source of much social and interpersonal teaching, and these are often teachings that must be unlearned as one turns inward. If you want to bring about change within, I feel that it often helps to remove yourself from doubting, fearful, or contradictory voices until your inner voice becomes stronger. (As there is no separation between inner and outer world, doubting voices will resonate with the parts of you that are still doubtful and fearful.) A good friend of mine put it this way: "I have to maintain a separate fortress in my mind, where I can go to figure things out for myself." As a person grows and becomes calmer, more loving, and more accepting of how it all is, I believe they can then return to a close relationship with people who see things differently, and turn their inner world outward. During the entire process, there is only love. You can distance yourself gently & harmoniously, and still love.
I agree... The difficulty is... do you let their actions (energy/vibrations) influence you or your actions (energy/vibrations) influence them. Our lives, our habits, our learned ways get triggered very easily. You have to believe in your energy so much that their energy does not change yours. They will KEEP trying to BE the way they are, if that bothers you, they just changed YOUR energy. That's way I say keep loving them, that is the energy that will ALWAYS win, IF you do NOT doubt it. Again, if you get upset, you doubted it. And if you have a time frame, that's not gonna help either. It can take seconds, it can take years.
Gandhi - "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win"
It's NOT easy... but it gets easier...
Trust your love and don't let them make you doubt it... Everyone's life is at stake. (no pressure) ;)
ACE
Agreed, it is much easier and i am very sure of my actions and behaviors. I am just curious how often all of you spend time with your families of origin. Sam I know you live far, This makes all of this much easier. these ideas worked when others handle the necessities of aging parents, or you pay others to do it. elderly/frail physically/mentally sick family members make these ideas more difficult to implement. I would hope that you all acknowledge this
I acknowledge that this is the case.
I live within 45 minutes of my parents, and within 10 minutes of my grandma, and see all of them every month or so. My parents have been pretty supportive (and more than a little terrified) regarding where my life is going, but I have been nothing but open and honest with them at every step. Hopefully they see me becoming more easygoing, and all I can hope to be is an expression of where I presently am on the path of sadhana.
Yes... NOT easy...
Now YOU know MY MOM!!!
When I NEEDED her to support my acting... It was FOOLISHNESS...
When I stopped NEEDING her to LOVE my CHOICES... and Just LOVED her...
1.She came to see me in Pirates of Penzance. Reaction "ALL you people do this for free" - acknowledgment that I'm not the only lune.
2. She came to see me play Sancho in Man of La Mancha - When cast members asked what she thought, she said "He's getting better" The cast was AGHAST, I was amazed, that is a RAVE... she was actually critiquing my acting NOT ignoring it.
3. She came to see me in a Original Show called "Prospect Park", I was 29, playing a 65 yr old New Stand guy. (I got an award for my performance :) ) After she saw the show she said "You are very talented, I am proud of you as an actor and you could make it" I WAS FLOORED!!! And I think this happened because I stopped looking for her approval. What ever it was, it was NOT what I had ever seen before... AND YOU KNOW MY INCREDIBLY NEGATIVE MOM, RAISED IN THE GREAT DEPRESSION IN NY CITY.
So... Just make yourself happy! AND Healthy. Lead my example... and don't need them to change, that'll drive ya NUTZ!
ACE
I do exactly as I please Now BUT they still put on the pressure. Then they try it on my children. i raise them as my husband and I see fit. They are young adults. We make our own rules and the families never get it. I always had TONS of approval and enjoyed it. Now I don't care if they approve or not, I just want them to not comment. Your mom enjoyed being negative and my mom is starting to do that as well. In your moms defense she had GREAT reason to be filled with sadness and regret which I feel is the root of all negativity. As for acting the previous generations will never understand a career with no guarantees.
I didn't know careers with guarantees existed anymore. =)
ACE
A tenured teacher or a nurse. i seem to remember Optician being the choice of some parents, it was your own business. I tell my kids go for a career you will be happy in for a long time and that will support them and their wife and kids. That is my bias and I tell them that. I measure success by happiness. I feel FOR ME happiness meant marriage and kids. They know how I feel, I will love and respect all of the choices they make BUT I really want to be a grandma someday. Sal and i also want them to have a spiritual understanding of the world, what that entails is very complicated. Makes for wonderful convos with 15 and 20 yr olds
Never DEFEND something that causes pain! Being a Negative person is NEVER enjoyable. It comes from fear, which is never a good way to be... it's sad... and should NOT be enabled. I know she has had bad things happen, but she cried that she was married, and then she cried that he left her. I went to her 85th birthday party, where she told the story of how dumb ... she was for marrying my father 60 years ago, he's been dead for 45 years. This, in front of their 4 kids who threw her the party.
(OK... Just got caught up... see what you did!) ;)
ohmmmmmmm... ohmmmmmmm...
"Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, no trouble, no hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart" - unknown
It's all I have that I can add to this thread, but I wanted to add something.
OH... Career... SHE, the woman raised during the depression, said... "You could make it" - Amazing! This is a person, when someone would call and tell them how much they thought of me, she would tell them they are crazy! LITERALLY!!! That I wasn't attractive enough to make it. REALLY! So, it wasn't based on my ability, she was just not a fan. And now she is! Go figure.
Approval... Disapproval... Negativity...
Story:
A man heard of a monk, who could NOT be insulted.
He asked the monk if he could try. The monk readily agreed. The man spent 48 hrs non stop, insulting the monk. Attacking his family, his virility, his look, his smell, his intelligence, his ideas... On and on... and the Monk just sat there and smiled. Afterward, the man stopped, acknowledging that the monk was impervious to insults. The man said "I admire your ability to not be affected by insults BUT what type of man can sit back and allow such a thing to happen, is this a true man" The monk said to the Man, "Son, May I ask you a question. If someone gives you a gift and you choose to not accept it, whose gift is it?" The man thought, "Then, they would still own the gift". The monk continued "So, if someone insults you, and you choose not to accept it, whose insult is it".
Won't be long ill Deepak starts to RT you! :)
SC: ♥ oh... pishawwww....
DUCE
I had big-time problems with my boss -- I felt she was treating me the way her father treated her, nothing I could do was good enough. My yoga therapist said, drop all the human drama, just relate to her as Light relating to Light. The results were/are beautiful and now I enjoy working for her.
BC: ♥ 2 ♥ : Light 2 Light
An amazing thread! Infinite peace, love, respect, and gratitude to all who contributed!
I shall re~read it... And recreate it... And ground it!
DUCE
Definitely worth re-reading
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