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Now, when I say "friends", I don't mean acquaintances, I don't mean people I've had a few really good conversations with... I don't even mean people I've had LOTS of really wonderful deep conversations with...
I'm talking about people who I "LOVE", people who "LOVE" me back, people who I have had a discussion of this deep connection we have for each other and a caring of each others mutual success, health and well being in life.
This is MAJOR SHIT!!! We really don't give this status to a lot of people. It’s kinda dangerous because it leaves us REAL vulnerable. We assume our mates (or eventual mates) will be a "friend". Kinda like in the movies (or stories) where you mutually cut yourselves and mix your blood and swear a BFF pack.
Now, with this heavier burden comes an amazing package of benefits... Because what you GIVE is also what you GET!!!
And the RULES are always adjustable for EACH "friend" except for the one rule, that you REALLY need to clarify the rules... What is expected of you and what you expect? Which you gotta get that, what you expect, you have to be ready and willing to provide as well.
So... As I write this, I realize I've been remiss in the ONLY rule!!! I was expecting without 1) making sure they were open to my EXPECTATIONS and 2) really want to be this type of "friend"...
One problem is I was already operating like 1) and 2) were agreed upon and "I" was already providing (to my understanding) the benefits...
Another problem is... I don't know their expectations...
Now, let's get this straight, if you DON'T have expectations on your "friends", then either these people are NOT "friends" -or- YOU don't want to provide to them what they need as a "friend".
You do NOT get to decide what your "friend" needs, you are there to support them and help them selflessly (in that moment of need)... AS THEY ARE THERE FOR YOU... You really have to take yourself out of the equations entirely when they are dealing with their shit!!!
I was in a 10 year marriage (and my last Long Term Relationship as well... I hate patterns... I love patterns) where, when I was hurting, their reaction was "WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME, or I DIDN'T DO IT or I CAN'T HANDLE THE PRESSURE OF HAVING TO HANDLE YOUR ISSUES"... and all I was saying was I was hurting... needed to vent a little, be heard, and feel like someone cared, had a little empathy, had a little sympathy... SO... I had to bottle up EVERY pain and issue I had, so as to not UPSET THEM... So I worried about them when they were hurt'n and when I was hurt'n...
SO... I'm sorry if I have ISSUES around this... (I EXPECT my "friends" to understand... hee hee)
OK...
So... Here are a few things that come to mind... and again... these are things I'd LIKE to have but every "friend" has to be TOLD... It's wrong to EXPECT... no matter what you FEEL/THINK is obvious.
1. If you have thoughts of me (worries, concerns, hunches, feelings, psychic communications, premonitions, dreams, intuitions, loving pangs, upset pangs, thoughts (from silly to profound) that you think I'd appreciate knowing... CONTACT ME!!! If you believe in any type of deep connection in this universe, this is a POKE by the universe... please respond to it... It will be SO appreciated by me... Don't mull over it... thank the universe for the post it! Don't worry if it could be a DRAINING contact... or How it may effect your life... Step up and let me know you were thinking of me AND then TOOK the action to communicate... Actions REALLY speak louder than words and mean so much to me, and really, it’s just a call.
2. VALUE me, my company, my attention, my time, my energy and my gifts... AND if you see me devaluing myself... KICK MY ASS... There are people I don't know well who I still offer things to and expect them to value anything I give them BUT my "friends" need to understand that I give to them FIRST and FOREMOST and it really hurts to feel like my VALUE is not perceived as VALUABLE or worse, a "favor" that it's even being accepted at all, AND then sometimes discarded, sometimes before it is even received.
NOW life will throw you curves, and plans get altered BUT I need to feel that you are really considering the impact on me, how it will effect me and how it feels to have my gift returned. And sometimes the gift is meant to be shared, unlike a fruit cake, and the sharing is important to me as well, it's part of my experience and meant something to me to share it with you.
AND...
I VALUE YOU... Now, don't get all self-Important, REALLY!!! But I "LOVE" my "friends" and it's so deeply fulfilling and special to be with, share with, someone who is my "friend"... My "Friends" are REALLY COOL and IMPORTANT... so they don't typically have a lot of time or energy to squander. So when a "friend' shares any experience with me, it ROCKS, and it is special to me!!! So don't assume your presence is insignificant to me, IT IS NOT. AND don't take this as a pressure thing, REALLY!!!
Now that doesn't mean we can't casually make and change casual plans... We have a life and sometimes life can get in the way of random acts of fun, BUT check in with me and see where I'm at... possibly, reschedule, right then and there if you can... show me that you are NOT happy about losing time with me... Just know you are IMPORTANT to me and I assume I am IMPORTANT to you.
3. Non-Judgmental Listening with my well-being in mind. I kinda stated that earlier... NO concern of how this topic relates to you -or- your OBLIGATION to fix it -or- your RESPONSIBILITY for any part of the topic. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, EVEN IF IT CONCERNS YOU... Don't be so vain... hee hee... I am processing... You are listening... This can be REALLY HARD (especially for men) but just listen... and then... if asked, you can give your take... BUT please don't be defensive... That scares the CRAP out of me!!!
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Well... I'm sure there are more... and I'll add them later... AND until they are discussed individually with EACH "friend", there is NO obligation… BUT I also feel that these "3" points/desires are understandable AND I offer them automatically to you as well...
I'm Just Say'n...
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